dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
