I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything about him screamed your future.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
