Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
