Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
