Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The air taste purple.
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