News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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