Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
