I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
