imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
