How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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