My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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