I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
