Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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