Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
