Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
