The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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