I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize