You just made me feel so damn special
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
