I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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