Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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