What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
