I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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