Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
