drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my sisters under your porch take her home
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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