I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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