life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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