i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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