He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize