I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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