okay pat passed out under dana's car
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
