dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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