cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
