when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
