I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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