Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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