My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
