conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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