Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
