You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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