dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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