weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
