what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
