he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
