Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
