Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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