checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
