Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
