remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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