1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
