its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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