last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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