i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
