At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
