Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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