What did we do last night that was yellow?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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