Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
