DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
