i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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