dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I want is dick and wine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
