yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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