she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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