put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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