Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
