he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
